vacation

i arrived in la chacra to be greeted warmly by padre luis, and then next thing i know, we're bouncing down the road in his truck. i thought we were sharing a cafecito in his office? drive through amatepec, soyapango. we arrive at...pizza hut? well, the latte was good and the conversation better, even with the long pauses of silence. seeing the gang members as victims too. thich nhat hanh's tree analogy. bush, stalin, and hitler? psychology and humanizing the violence as a response to fear. a marero outside the church telling luis he likes what he heard. coldplay. luis's simple philosophy of oración, leer y hacer deportes to find ánimo and fuerza. daniela and ronald. the search for guayaba because i'd never tried one (will i learn to keep my mouth shut?) settling on limónes. playground games and crawling through tunnels. ronald scaring me by acting like a culebra and by saying "mareros" with a certain amount of fear in his eyes as he glanced towards the young men in the corner. pure joy and freedom. recuerdos from Daniela-a pen and her baby photo. can i be this free of attachment too? please let it grow. walking through la chacra with danny and holding these images-communal pilas and natural water sources, blanca's smile and eyes, the way he uses language beautifully with the salvadorans, an expanding sinkhole and rudy's perhaps overly confident optimism and high spirits, the chucho attacking the legs i so thankfully dressed in pants today, the most polluted river in el salvador, pillows of white fluff floating down and playfully kicked up by a breeze, cain's eyes and sincerity, gloria's hug, a cliff with homes simply gone, walls shattered on the river bed, stoves perched up out of the water, clothing strewn down the cliff ledge. can one even save it? does it even matter anymore?